The F. Word Guide to Feminism

10 steps to approach Feminism

The idea behind that guide is simple: if you identify, in any way, as a feminist or a supporter of Equality – that’s great! Still, if it is rather in a theoretical way, this is unfortunately not enough. The great thing: it is not very complicated to translate your theoretical knowledge into daily actions to foster equality. Our guide shows you practical and simple approaches to become a “better” feminist on a daily basis.
Before we start: this list is meant to make you guys more aware of the indirect and direct effects you (can) have on women and, of course, to make you reflect on how you can contribute to feminism through your everyday practices. The list shouldn’t be understood to be exhaustive or applicable to everyone and every situation. But it is quite certain that the list can make you think and might help you to improve in some “areas”. If you feel that we have missed something or you don’t agree on some aspects, please tell us!  Feel free to join the conversation!

 

1. Acknowledge Inequality.

To be able to tackle a problem requires the acknowledgement of the problem in a first step.
So, it is not just some guys being mean to women in the workplace. It is a whole system which is unequal in terms of gender and which is self-enforcing inequality if people do not start acknowledging, thinking and acting more to foster equality.

Coming back to our workplace example: Often in companies men are the ones to decide on whether or not to hire a person. And people in general tend to hire people that remind them of themselves – which means: men tend to hire men. And once they are hired, they often earn much more and are more likely to become leaders (even if they are not always likely to be the most competent leaders).

The first step to solving any problem is to acknowledge it as a problem. Naming sexism as such is a basic requirement, but a necessary one nonetheless. Also note, it’s imperative to recognize it’s a system, not just a personal bigotry. Be aware that gender discrimination still exists. When the same resume was sent out under two different names, Max and Maxima, who do you think got the callback for an interview? We naturally favor men to be in positions of power so our natural inclination is to hire them. Men also are usually the ones in hiring positions so they often hire people that look, sound, and remind them of themselves. But are they the most qualified? Will they do the best job?

 

2. Listen.

Try to listen to other people, media, politics, women and hear what they have to say about feminism and how they frame the issue. Listen carefully to their arguments and develop an own opinion and an own line of argumentation for future conversations.

 

3. Give women space.

Be aware of the space you occupy, both physically and emotionally – and don’t take more space than you actually need. If you are on public transport make sure that you are not one of the guys who are actually manspreading. It might be something which seems to you neither offensive nor sexist. But if you think twice you might also realise that it is not only impolite (because often you occupy a space where another person could sit) but can also appear obscene for the person sitting vis-à-vis. Just make sure people around you can sit next to you comfortably.

As a woman walking alone in the street or standing/sitting alone on the subway can be quite frightening. In this case it can make them feel much more safe, if you can just keep a little distance. Of course you know that you are a nice guy, but when it’s dark or when you wear a hat, women might not be able to recognize that, too.

And finally: use a fair share of “communication space” in conversations. Men sometimes tend to explain women the world, even though they already got it. Don’t be that annoying person who is “mansplaining” everything to women. That is neither sexy nor helpful – you are wasting your own time as well as the time of your interlocutor. It doesn’t mean you have to stay silence, just keep in mind that women also have the cognitive capability of reflecting on things. So if you realize that the woman you are talking to understands what you are saying, give her the opportunity of stating her opinion in order to have a dialogue rather than a monologue.

 

4. Consume cultural products featuring women actors or are produced by women.

In whatever genre you are interested – be it arthouse cinema, modern opera, live music or sports – make sure that, at least from time to time, you consume products which are produced by women or where their voices are represented. Also, when you go to the cinema, make a quick gender check. In the movie that you are watching, are there:

1. Two female characters (preferably named),
2. who talk to each other (that is, back and forth dialogue)
3. about anything other than men (at some point in the movie).

It is really interesting: once you start doing that while consuming cultural products (especially movies) you will find how seldom these criteria are met. It sounds really easy, but a huge number of films fail to pass this test, which is actually called bechdel test.

 

5. Do 50% (or more) of housework – especially if you are a parent.

Recognize that, in general, most of the housework is done by women. Of course it is not you fault that, until now, most of this work were done by women. But now that you know better, make sure you are not one of the guys letting women do all the work. There is just not one single reason why your sister, mother, cousin, aunt, grandma or girlfriend/partner should do this work for you. And don’t tell us that they are “better in doing that”. They are better, because they are more used to. But you can get used to it, too. Don’t worry. Don’t tell people you are a feminist and then procrastinate at home while your partner is doing all the housework. This is a very practical approach to feminism and it is simply unfair not to do your share of the housework.

Take Jonathan Mann as an example and do a little test: over the next week, take notes of how much of housework you are doing compared to the woman/women you live with. Also, in a partnership, you can both write down every single housework task you are doing during a day – and then compare. Same when it comes to paternity leave and childcare responsibilities. You can be sure that your partner will recognize your efforts and that it will, in the long run, lead to a happier relationship.

All in all: be mindful of implicit and explicit gender inequality when it comes to housework…with your partner, your family members, roommates (and so on).

 

6. Educate yourself.

About feminism in general, but also about sexual consent in particular. Always make sure that you both agree on what you are doing and how your sexual relationship looks like. Sometimes women might not clearly state what they like and don’t like. Be very sensitive to what they say when it comes to sex. A “no”, even if it is leise or unsure, is a definite “no”. There is NO discussion about that.

 

7. Disrupt the system of gender role enforcement.

Of course, this is advanced feminism as it requires a bit of sacrifice and there is no (obvious) reward for doing so. So, when you benefit from structural inequalities, recognize your privileges and try to find ways that lead to a more equal balance of power. Maybe you have to turn down an opportunity, sometimes prestige or even money. Or you have to speak up, in unequal situations, about the injustices you are just facing in this specific moment – be it at work, with your friends or a daily situation. It clearly means, that you might risk relationships or personal achievements. But you also have to be aware of the fact that if you don’t do it, you are a complicit of a system of oppression. And how could anyone want to be this person.

 

8. Don’t catcall or support objectification of women.

Even though some women wear revealing outfits from time to time that doesn’t mean you are allowed to catcall them or make creepy comments. Though you may find these women somehow attractive, there is a difference line between noticing this and being disrespectful.

Also, you might have already noticed that female objectification happens far more often than male objectification (maybe 100% more often?). This objectification is both negative for men and women: both get a totally wrong image of women. It can result in lower self esteem, eating disorder and also less women in leadership positions and politics, because women feel more insecure and men treat them as unequal, weak persons.

 

 9. Have integrity within your “male environment”.

Another task for advanced feminists: when your male friends do or talk in a sexist way, let them know that it is absolutely wrong. Unfortunately, it is not enough to just think it’s wrong, you have to have integrity and tell them that it’s not ok what they are doing.

Same goes for your co-workers, neighbors, relatives or random guys at random places – if you see gender inequality happening, speak up! You have to uncover it and dismiss it publicly. It can even feel good to do so and women will be very thankful.

Treat your gender as an unearned privilege that you actively work to cede rather than femaleness being an unearned disadvantage that women have to work to overcome and tell your “male environment” to join you by doing so. It is a really cool move and, if you think about it, it’s just fair. It is not about privileging women, it is about creating equal conditions for men and women!

 

10. Last but not least: Self-identify as a feminist!

When you speak about feminism, do it in a natural, normal way – because that’s really needed. The F-Word should not be a scary word, it should be a normal one. So, don’t be afraid of self-identifying as a feminist. The more people do it with this natural and uncontentious approach, the more it becomes normal. And don’t feel bad, if you screw up from time to time. Even for women it is not always easy to act as a feminist. Sometimes it’s just more comfortable to let the man drive the car, carry your bags or pay your bills. But that’s not how it works. We all have to work towards a more equal world, we all fail, we learn, we listen, we do the best we can.